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The Two Ronnies
once did a skit about a man at a party trying desperately to find out from his
host where an urgently-needed bathroom could be found. He phrased his request
in euphemism: I need to see a man about a horse. His host introduced him to another guest who happened to be a horse
breeder.
Euphemism gentrifies
situations too delicate to be dealt with outright, like passed away, or left
us, instead of died. We're generally grateful that people say I
need to visit your washroom, when we know a visit isn't really the
need being announced.
Frankness can be
unthinkable.
I listened to Mitt
Romney's acceptance speech last night and was amazed again how much the
utterance of meaningless phrases like I support family values have
become politicians' pronouncements of choice. Family values is a
euphemism for opposition to same-sex marriage and homosexuality, but to say
what one actually means might be politically scary. The Right to Life
has become another popular euphemism, this one signalling more stringent legal
controls on abortion. For some reason, we voters allow the euphemisms to live
without requiring that they be supported with at least some plan that can be
firmly understood, evaluated and judged. The literal meaning behind political
euphemism is left to be discovered after elections.
One response to the
speech on the internet asked Romney if he supports investigations in every case
of miscarriage to determine if criminal negligence on the part of the mother
has been a factor. I asked my Conservative MP whether or not his views on when
life begins and his support of revisiting the definition could end up
meaning that abortions would result in murder convictions, accessory to murder
trials and life sentences. He has so far declined to answer.
The plague of
euphemism for signalling stances and embellishing credentials--as opposed to
clearly stating positions-- extends to churches, schools, public dialogue
generally. It's not surprising: our peers' opinions of us rank highly in consciousness and
in many cases the uttering of controversial, divergent-from-prevailing thoughts
can cost the speaker a job . . . or worse. Euphemism can serve to express
something that is not quite, but yet; that leans toward, but not completely;
that allows different hearers to interpret utterances according to their
preference.
But in the end, I
need to see a man about a horse may not get you what you need, which is to
urinate in a place designated for that purpose—and soon.
Similarly, when
life begins and I support family values don't necessarily say
anything at all, although those who use these and similar expressions may think
they communicate something specific. Biological human life doesn't begin,
it is passed down from generation to generation, and in the latter case, it's
clear that family values are not uniformly held at all, and certainly
not across cultures.
If we don't begin to speak in real language, we'll never
find a toilet and we'll all continue peeing our pants on a regular basis.
So, Mitt Romney and
all you politicians who elicit waves of applause just by saying, “I support
family values,” I challenge you to say it for real:
“I will do everything
in my power to make same-sex marriage illegal and will also seek to make all
laws that pertain to human beings applicable from conception onward, i.e. a fetus is a person and a citizen.”
Now let some
genuine debating begin.
The American
Dream. Another euphemism, and a cliché to boot. George Carlin famously said,
“The reason they call it The American Dream is that you have to be
asleep to believe it!”
Perhaps we prefer
to sleep through the tough stuff; the tough stuff takes work, thought, listening
and talking specifics.
Or, just utter another
euphemism and doze on!
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